| TMDC wordfuhrer |
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 Posted 11-11-2006 23:41 by TMDC wordfuhrer |
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Today is a bleak day for Warner Music, Roadrunner, Sony BMG, Metal Blade and Sternstunden der Volksmusik GmbH. A day which will live in infamy. After a particularly heroic battle with the aforementioned labels, Mascot Records has won the insanely sought-after privilege of signing a record deal with The Monolith Deathcult. This gargantuan and epic battle has passed by relatively unnoticed for the band members.
Michiel: “Oh well, we’re writing a little song or two, doing a few television shows and shows. We’ll see whoever gets to release our songs.
Robin: “What is this ‘record label’ thing you speak of? Some kind of sticker you put on a CD?”
Michiel: “When we look around and see the stupendous amount of garbage some labels dare to release these days, we don’t worry too much about CD releases.”
Heavy speculation has commenced on several internet forums about which image the Dutch Deathmetal Chameleons will adopt this time.
Vocalist/Bassist and Death Metal Folklorist Robin: “After the politically incorrect Islam-slamming Nile-clones on our catastrophic debut ‘The Apotheosis’ and our fasco-communist warmongering on the equally disastrous second album ‘The White Crematorium’ we’ll be shape shifting into a different image. We’ll have to do some research and find out where the money is these days. I bet groups of people are already collectively clenching their assholes as we speak.”
The release of the as yet unnamed album will be around spring 2007. Some titles include The Androgynous One, Laodicean Hunger, Coldness Wraps this Suffering Clay, Master of the Bryansk Forst, Wrath of the Ba’ath, The Way Forward, K-141 Kursk, and, because of a harrowing lack of original ideas, the working title Kinderreich we stole borrowed from Laibach. Political leaders have expressed their concern, and metal reviewers are already wailing and gnashing their teeth in anticipation of this upcoming atrocity to music.
In 2003, The Monolith Deathcult unexpectedly forced their way into the highest ranks of the Death Metal premier league. A veil of arrogance and hollow claims pushed the already dubious image of the band in the right direction by rumours about their alleged preference for wrong ideologies and right dictators. This bizarre cocktail of bad humour and even worse Death Metal (including out of tune solos) made an impact on the metal community like a nuclear sun in a barren moon landscape. The Monolith Deathcult will do their utmost best to sustain their cult status and found a professional partner in crime in Mascot Records.
This time, like on The White Crematorium, the recording will be supervised by Pascal Altena of the infamous Ground Zero studio. Mixing and mastering duties will be performed by the grand wizard Guido Aalbers, noted for his work with underground metal legends including Marilyn Manson, Live, Velvet Revolver, Muse, Faith No More, Robbie Williams, Within Temptation and Metallica.
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